Follow your bliss. Just follow it. Follow what? Your bliss. What is your bliss? I have no idea. The thing that brings you bliss? So bliss is the ultimate goal? No, your bliss is the ultimate goal. Nice. Follow that.
I heard of an interview in which Brad Pitt says he really just encourages his kids to follow their bliss. I may've vomited a little bit in my mouth. Little kids' bliss runs the gamut. Putting plastic chunks in their noses. Eating only cake for three days. Practicing kung fu on their friends' faces. Maybe, just maybe, they could use a little direction.
There's this proverb you probably already know: "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6). It sneaked into my thoughts a month or so ago, and then it started knocking around and making some noise that I couldn't ignore, and now it's pretty much stuck in my craw. I started picking out the tiniest morsels for rumination: What does it mean by "train," by "way," by "should," and by the conclusion that he'll not depart from it? Yeah, I know. If you find that intense, welcome to my world.
I figured there were three things crucial to deciphering all this. First, ask Yahweh. Duh. He's the one stirring it up; I'd be obtuse to not ask Him why. Second, investigate the original language for clues. And third, consider apple trees.
From Yahweh, I've been getting the idea of equipping children for successful adulthood in the most practical ways. I mean, even as specific as praying about His calling for their lives, for their careers, and beginning to develop those talents and capacities. I think a lot of parents do that. I see many families in which the kids follow in the path made available by their parents. You know, boys learning their dad's trade to continue the family business, or those families where the dad's a doctor, and all the kids are, too, or the dad's a minister, and all his sons are, too. But they are the exception, not the rule. It just happened that when I'd see the words of this proverb in my mind, the word "way" was being highlighted, as if the Father was saying, "This is more than just becoming a believer. I know the plans I have for your kid. Learn my heart, and buy up their childhood to help them in that path." Right now, Jed and I think it'd be cool to raise Levi to become a dentist, because they are respectable and make decent money, and they only work, like, Mon - Thurs from 9:00-3:30. Then in the summer, you call them up, and they defer you to their colleague dentist friends, because they're out of the office for a month. The only thing better would be practicing dentistry in Europe where they value the afternoon nap and possibly don't care much about their teeth.
I was raised to believe I could achieve anything and that the world was my oyster, and it was truly encouraging, but I realized as I stepped over the threshold into adulthood that maybe being prepared for the whole world was a little overwhelming and perhaps a little more specific direction would've been useful, too.
OK, so then there's the original language of the proverb. Clarke's Commentary on the Bible says, "The Hebrew of this clause is curious: חנך לנער על פי דרכו chanoch lannaar al pi darco, 'Initiate the child at the opening (the mouth) of his path.'" And, well, OK, if we're going to do this, then I'll revisit "initiate:" "to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject" or "to set going" (dictionary.com). Interesting. Interesting that it would say the mouth of "his" path, eh? So we're onto something.
Barnes' Notes on the Bible say something similar about it:
"Train - Initiate, and so, educate.
The way he should go - Or, according to the tenor of his way, i. e., the path especially belonging to, especially fitted for, the individual's character. The proverb enjoins the closest possible study of each child's temperament and the adaptation of 'his way of life' to that." Again with the direction having to do very much with the individual purpose placed in that child.
I think as parents we so want to develop our children's characters, decision-making faculties, and faith so that they can be adults who plan and choose wisely. But then this whole can of worms opens up, and I realize, hey, why not? It would be a huge success as a parent to take that role of wisdom and covering and prayerful consideration and begin to shape our children in the most practical ways for the most successful life, according to the Father's plan for them. It's totally doable.
I'm avoiding too many details here, because I don't feel inclined to start arranging marriages between infants or discounting the preferences of my kids as they get older and start considering such things on their own. But there's something to all this.
Then there's the apple tree, and this is just an aside, more about the training part of it all. Left untended, an apple tree just grows up and out in all directions, stretching its limbs, being free to grow and be and do just what it wants. It also produces few apples and tiny apples. As far as contribution goes, it's pretty worthless.
A well-tended apple tree, on the other hand, has been trained. It's been literally trimmed and tied to posts and forced to grow into the most productive, gnarly shape ever, one that's loaded with big, delicious apples come harvest time. Training an apple tree into productivity requires attention, knowledge, foresight, and work. And so it goes with our kids.
Recently, in the news, have been stories about parents who are overly obsessed with gender and not "forcing" gender on their kids. (A little late for that since the dude's sperm determined it and literally created the kid with a gender. Can't be helped.) Anyone who knows me halfway knows that I think these people are flat-out idiots, and that's probably why I'm cramming the concept into this post.
But here's why. I advocate for parental authority in kids' lives. I am happy that so many families do so many things differently, and that's part of the flavor of each family. But kids should not be making serious life decisions for themselves when they're seven. They are not the ones in charge of grown-up thought at that time. They are playing pretend, learning, begging for someone to make sense of it all for them. Consider the following from the author of My Princess Boy: “When he said, ‘I am a princess,’ I said, ‘Boys aren’t princesses,’” Kilodavis recalled. “He said, ‘I’m a boy princess.’ He’s driving the agenda for who he is.” (Emphasis mine.)
I read this and figure that here is the case of a confused person letting their little kid follow his bliss. WHY....is he driving the agenda? Did I mention the kid was four? 4. FOUR. He's playing dress up. What on earth would cause a lucid brain to set a kid loose on any sort of identity path like that, treating it as an age-appropriate course for him to seriously explore based on his own agenda? That poor kid needs some help. Or just someone to laugh off all his silly incarnations as he goes through all the costumes in the house. Come on, parents, stop letting the current societal trends lull you into sacrificing your child's sanity. I'm not even getting into the whole gay/transgender argument here; I'm just saying that kids need direction and help making sense of who they are, not for you to take them seriously every time they say they want to be a frog-dinosaur. Most kids would be schizophrenic if we told them to just be all the things that creep into their imaginations. When they're FOUR.
I heard of an interview in which Brad Pitt says he really just encourages his kids to follow their bliss. I may've vomited a little bit in my mouth. Little kids' bliss runs the gamut. Putting plastic chunks in their noses. Eating only cake for three days. Practicing kung fu on their friends' faces. Maybe, just maybe, they could use a little direction.
There's this proverb you probably already know: "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6). It sneaked into my thoughts a month or so ago, and then it started knocking around and making some noise that I couldn't ignore, and now it's pretty much stuck in my craw. I started picking out the tiniest morsels for rumination: What does it mean by "train," by "way," by "should," and by the conclusion that he'll not depart from it? Yeah, I know. If you find that intense, welcome to my world.
I figured there were three things crucial to deciphering all this. First, ask Yahweh. Duh. He's the one stirring it up; I'd be obtuse to not ask Him why. Second, investigate the original language for clues. And third, consider apple trees.
From Yahweh, I've been getting the idea of equipping children for successful adulthood in the most practical ways. I mean, even as specific as praying about His calling for their lives, for their careers, and beginning to develop those talents and capacities. I think a lot of parents do that. I see many families in which the kids follow in the path made available by their parents. You know, boys learning their dad's trade to continue the family business, or those families where the dad's a doctor, and all the kids are, too, or the dad's a minister, and all his sons are, too. But they are the exception, not the rule. It just happened that when I'd see the words of this proverb in my mind, the word "way" was being highlighted, as if the Father was saying, "This is more than just becoming a believer. I know the plans I have for your kid. Learn my heart, and buy up their childhood to help them in that path." Right now, Jed and I think it'd be cool to raise Levi to become a dentist, because they are respectable and make decent money, and they only work, like, Mon - Thurs from 9:00-3:30. Then in the summer, you call them up, and they defer you to their colleague dentist friends, because they're out of the office for a month. The only thing better would be practicing dentistry in Europe where they value the afternoon nap and possibly don't care much about their teeth.
I was raised to believe I could achieve anything and that the world was my oyster, and it was truly encouraging, but I realized as I stepped over the threshold into adulthood that maybe being prepared for the whole world was a little overwhelming and perhaps a little more specific direction would've been useful, too.
OK, so then there's the original language of the proverb. Clarke's Commentary on the Bible says, "The Hebrew of this clause is curious: חנך לנער על פי דרכו chanoch lannaar al pi darco, 'Initiate the child at the opening (the mouth) of his path.'" And, well, OK, if we're going to do this, then I'll revisit "initiate:" "to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject" or "to set going" (dictionary.com). Interesting. Interesting that it would say the mouth of "his" path, eh? So we're onto something.
Barnes' Notes on the Bible say something similar about it:
"Train - Initiate, and so, educate.
The way he should go - Or, according to the tenor of his way, i. e., the path especially belonging to, especially fitted for, the individual's character. The proverb enjoins the closest possible study of each child's temperament and the adaptation of 'his way of life' to that." Again with the direction having to do very much with the individual purpose placed in that child.
I think as parents we so want to develop our children's characters, decision-making faculties, and faith so that they can be adults who plan and choose wisely. But then this whole can of worms opens up, and I realize, hey, why not? It would be a huge success as a parent to take that role of wisdom and covering and prayerful consideration and begin to shape our children in the most practical ways for the most successful life, according to the Father's plan for them. It's totally doable.
I'm avoiding too many details here, because I don't feel inclined to start arranging marriages between infants or discounting the preferences of my kids as they get older and start considering such things on their own. But there's something to all this.
Then there's the apple tree, and this is just an aside, more about the training part of it all. Left untended, an apple tree just grows up and out in all directions, stretching its limbs, being free to grow and be and do just what it wants. It also produces few apples and tiny apples. As far as contribution goes, it's pretty worthless.
Recently, in the news, have been stories about parents who are overly obsessed with gender and not "forcing" gender on their kids. (A little late for that since the dude's sperm determined it and literally created the kid with a gender. Can't be helped.) Anyone who knows me halfway knows that I think these people are flat-out idiots, and that's probably why I'm cramming the concept into this post.
But here's why. I advocate for parental authority in kids' lives. I am happy that so many families do so many things differently, and that's part of the flavor of each family. But kids should not be making serious life decisions for themselves when they're seven. They are not the ones in charge of grown-up thought at that time. They are playing pretend, learning, begging for someone to make sense of it all for them. Consider the following from the author of My Princess Boy: “When he said, ‘I am a princess,’ I said, ‘Boys aren’t princesses,’” Kilodavis recalled. “He said, ‘I’m a boy princess.’ He’s driving the agenda for who he is.” (Emphasis mine.)
I read this and figure that here is the case of a confused person letting their little kid follow his bliss. WHY....is he driving the agenda? Did I mention the kid was four? 4. FOUR. He's playing dress up. What on earth would cause a lucid brain to set a kid loose on any sort of identity path like that, treating it as an age-appropriate course for him to seriously explore based on his own agenda? That poor kid needs some help. Or just someone to laugh off all his silly incarnations as he goes through all the costumes in the house. Come on, parents, stop letting the current societal trends lull you into sacrificing your child's sanity. I'm not even getting into the whole gay/transgender argument here; I'm just saying that kids need direction and help making sense of who they are, not for you to take them seriously every time they say they want to be a frog-dinosaur. Most kids would be schizophrenic if we told them to just be all the things that creep into their imaginations. When they're FOUR.
This kid was two (yep) when his parents started letting him call the shots:
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| Poor little boy with a whim to pretend to be a girl has a mom who therefore immediately grows out his hair and buys him dresses... Methinks that might be the recipe for creating, rather than abating, confusion. |
So yeah. Fluffy as it sounds for an adult to just follow your bliss, it becomes comical when it's the rule for children. We parents ought to be training away rather than letting our two-year-olds train us like a bunch of circus animals! How does it so easily get flipped around?
I'm joking about raising Levi to be a dentist, by the way. Not that it's not a great option, believe me, but we don't think that's his purpose.
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