I'm a Great Mom

Let's just address this "Mommy Guilt" thing once and for all.

We're inundated in our popular culture and media with the same debates: stay-at-home mom versus working mom, rigid schedules versus relaxed, nursing versus formula, yada yada yada.  They're constantly coming to the same conclusions:

1.  Studies show that this is best (followed next week by why that has its merits, too)
2.  You're just fine if you do either one.  We promise.  Love yourself.

But the fact that they keep saying, "You're just fine!  It's OK!" leaves this lingering uspoken thought that maybe it's not just fine.  So we have to be assured, in different ways, from different angles, with each new magazine issue or news program.  From whence does this unspoken thought come?  From popular media who place it in our corporate imagination by CONSTANTLY addressing it! 

(And am I just adding to it by writing about it here?  Meh.)

Does it have to be this...

...or this?

NO!

Here's a trick I use with  my kids.  Most of us do, I'm sure.  If they're about to encounter a new hurdle or concept, I plant in their minds the attitude I'd like them to have about it.  It's new to them and most of the time, they don't know how everyone else perceives it.  When Levi was about to turn 5 and therefore graduate out of the nursery at church, he was going to have to start sitting quietly with us through the preaching.  We knew it would be an adjustment at the very least to simply make a change in his routine, much less take him out of an environment where he could make some noise and play with his friends into an environment where he'd have to stay relatively still and play in almost total silence. 

But rather than focus on how hard it would be, we didn't even address that part.  We built up lots of excitement starting a few months beforehand and talked about what a big boy he was and that he was graduating and was going to get to stay in the big church with us and some of his older friends.  We bought him activity books for his birthday, but he couldn't use them until his first day of church, nursery-free.  We gave him perspective, something to look forward to.  And we managed to avoid any major traumatic meltdowns that I know would've arisen if we'd walked around on eggshells with him and said, "Son, we're sorry you won't get to play in nursery anymore, but it'll be OK!  You'll be fine, even though it'll be hard, we promise!"

But that's the way our media treats us.  They hone in on possible insecurities and feed them while telling us, "But it's OK!"  Some of them are probably well intentioned, and others are no doubt calculated, because as long as they can keep the problem afloat, they can sell their product by talking about it.  But WHEN did THEY become the experts on MY family?

So you know what?  I'm over it!  I have caught myself in this merry-go-round thought pattern of wondering if I'm doing major permanent harm to my kids, to becoming defensive with myself about it, to thinking everything's going pretty well, to wondering how horrible it would be if I got some kind of job or put Levi in public school for kindergarten, to apologizing profusely to friends for the meal of PBJs and Doritos I was feeding my kids, and so on.  It was all very insidious, because I barely knew how pervasive it was in my day!  I'm actually a really confident person.  And yet, there was all this garbage floating around my mind, and I suddenly thought one day, "STOP!"

I hit the brakes on these thoughts that I realized were not my own.  No, I am not a perfect mom. 

But you better believe I'm a pretty great mom.  With all my humanity and imperfections, the very fact that I care so much about the details should prove to myself that my kids are in good hands.  I don't care if I end up working away from home one day.  Or if my kids are home-schooled.  Or aren't homeschooled.  I don't care if I feed them a vegan diet.  Or if they occasionally eat junk food or fast food.  I know that every decision I make, that Jed and I make, is always with the intent of preserving their best interests.  And our kids are loved.  Like, so stinkin' LOVED.

Will everything turn out perfectly?  Not a chance.  And that's life.  I'm a great mom, because I realize that and will no longer allow it to define me as lacking.

Will we look like that other family down the street that really excels where I do not?  We never will.  And that's life.  We're the Finley family, and by the way, no other family that lacks where we excel will ever look like us.  They'll look like them.  I'm a great mom, because I'm happy to do my best for my kids.

Will I apply this revelation and suddenly be great at everything?  Yeah, right.  I'm a great mom, because I will not take my flaws personally but will address them as best I can for the benefit of everyone. 

Unless you're a reprobate child abuser, I challenge you to buck the status quo, look in the mirror, and tell yourself, "I'm a great mom!" 

Because great as I am (and did I mention I'm pretty great?), I know I'm not the only one.