On Giving Birth to My IUD

(WARNING!  If you're a guy, you probably don't want to read this. I use terms for the female anatomy and talk about contraception. Consider yourself warned.)

I am so not consistent in my blog writing, but it seems when I write one, I get in a sort of zone and decide to post on my other blog.  So here goes.  I just wrote about my recent foray into abortion research (on my other blog), and coupled with the events of the last few days, I felt compelled to share the following highly female experience.  Guys, seriously, bail out now.

Sometime yesterday, I went into labor!  But imagine a look of absolute terror and confusion on my face, rather than the only-slightly-nervous elation of a pregnant woman.  'Cause I wasn't pregnant.

If you've had a baby naturally, all I need to say is "transition" and I send cold chills up and down your spine.  Well, it wasn't quite that bad, but close.  Throughout the day, I had terrible contraction-like cramps.  They were on the level where my kids would try to get my attention, and I would be doubled over, doing my breathing exercises, trying to move around to a new position that might alleviate the pain.  I had my right arm extended horizontally out beside me, pointed toward them with my hand in the upright, flat "talk to the hand" position.  That was Mommy body language for "QUIET!"  Getting through the pain was my sole point of focus.

OK, so I've just started doing abortion research, which I won't talk about here, but I also recently heard that IUDs (intrauterine devices, used as contraception) don't just keep a sperm and egg from meeting but also help keep such a joining from implanting into the uterus should such a joining occur.  As one who has always held that life begins at conception and that "conception" happens when the sperm and egg meet, I realized I probably did not want an IUD after all. 

Right around then, I started getting bad cramps every so often.  Then the day before yesterday, they were bad and didn't really let up as much as usual.  Then yesterday, oh, yesterday.  It turns out that my cervix was trying to eject it, and a cervix is created to eject things (that is, children) by contracting (that is, labor).  Talk about a confirmation:  get it out, lady!

So, I kind of gave birth to my IUD.  Joy.  Actually, I went in to my doctor and had her finish the job and remove it, but all I'll ever really remember is the day my unpregnant body went into labor. 

I mean, come on!